When Competitive exams come calling
“Please,make 15*15 to be equal to 225”, I plead to the invisible quant Gods, while quickly marking an option as the timer ticks down in my mock test.There was a time when I knew a lot of squares and cubes off-hand, but unfortunately, that was a very long time ago. I feel even basic multiplication has started to bother me in recent times. The easy access to the calculator in my work place has increasingly created a rift in my friendship with the numbers.
Why do they make us arrange people around a circular table in the Logic section anyway? To make things worse, some are facing inwards, while the others are facing outwards. And damn the people standing in lines facing North and South as they please. Would it kill them to face one direction, as I struggle to figure out who is to the right of whom, and place them accordingly? It doesn’t help at all that the little sister is a logic whizkid, who can glance at my question paper and say confidently, that Sharon is to the left of Rithu, without a second thought. After many arrangements and rearrangements, I feel I’ve finally almost figured out where all the people in the flat are living (7 floors, 2 wings each- Left and Right per floor, 14 people to be arranged). The first question has among it’s options- “Data Inadequate”. I am instantly second guessing myself. According to my arrangement, F lives in the left wing of the first floor, but what if I am wrong? What if the data had been inadequate after all? I find myself cross checking my diagram with the question once again, wasting a precious 2 minutes, to find out that yes, F is indeed the answer. Damn you, data inadequate!
When I read the English section, it’s like I’ve an auto correct installed in my head. The question is to find the incorrect part of the sentence, but I tend to correct the sentence in my mind automatically as I read, deleting the extra plurals, converting has to had, and building a correct sentence without even realizing I am doing it. I’ve to force myself to take a deep breath, and read the sentence as it is, and not as how I expect it to be.
Please don’t get me started on the General Awareness section. Bud cautiously tip toes into my room and asks, “Sis, are you crying?” as I keep whining, “Oh no,it wasn’t Mumbai, it’s Kolkata.” Amma keeps telling me “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, but I need to build it ASAP. As the exam looms ever closer, it is critical that I build a good repository of general awareness at the earliest. I think of this as Machine Learning.. I’ve to build as big a database as possible to increase my chances of finding the answer to GK questions through the methods of elimination, and the method of actually knowing the answer to the said question. I can’t believe that I used to love memorization as a child. I used to randomly memorize entire paragraphs from the encyclopedia, purely for showing off to the grown ups. (I’ve always thrived on attention and admiration). Now that my dream job depends on my ability to memorize and remember facts and figures, I am stressing out. I feel intimidated by the piles of data I’ve collected for memorization- when will I ever complete, and once I do, will I be able to remember and retain this data, comb through and find the answer as needed?
I’ve turned into Mr Grinch, overjoyed when I’ve to take a sick day off from work, or when my weekend plans fall through. The mind does “more time to prep, yay!” somersaults. Generally, when my salary credits every month, I immediately take some time to make some tour and purchase plans for the month, along with savings and investment. The Mr Grinch in me has no such plans for the foreseeable future, till my Exams of Importance are over. I find that travel posts on Instagram no longer has me plotting my next getaway, and I am no longer craving books to read or fancy new gadgets. My entertainments have become humble and simple- talking to my best friend, and watching “Disenchantment” on Netflix while I take a tea break.
Every question that I mess up, every fact that I forget, every mock test that I don’t score well, brings up the familiar voices in my head- what if I am not good enough, what if I fail the Exams of Importance, what if I never land my dream job? Suddenly my heart hurts and my mouth feels dry. I take a deep breath and tell myself, “down, but not out, it’s not game over yet” and away I go prepping. Maybe the hard work will pay off, maybe it won’t, but it feels amazing to connect to this new dimension within myself. This dimension wants the prize badly, and hence feels hurt emotionally whenever her work doesn’t match up. However, she has all of her heart and soul into this single minded pursuit, and although she cries every time she falls, she’s back in business almost immediately. I hope that even when The Exams of Importance are over, no matter what the results, the work ethic and focus that preparing for these Exams have led me to cultivate, remains with me forever.
Cheers!
